So I moved to an active volcano the day it began erupting several days after I began writing this book. I was given the name Dante when I was born, supposedly named for the Italian poet. I’ve been a writer my whole life. There’s Dante’s Inferno, and there’s Dante’s Peak. What a wonderful coincidence that as soon as I can taste a dream I move to an active volcano that immediately starts erupting. I have been hiding from writing this book for awhile, and the Earth told me that the time has come.
I’m writing a story about 26 years of my inner inferno. I’ve also experienced bliss. I’ve gone so far to share my healing work with the name “be bliss.” It feels like a total paradox to be seen as someone who smiles and radiates light and takes things so lightly to have to write a book about my personal hell.
Last night in a powerful moment I sat with knowing that this was a choice. I can move to the light and focus on something very different, or I can go through with this and write this book. Can I enjoy writing this book? To me it’s the only choice that makes sense.
I do know freedom and I do know the power of my choice. I’m not denying my power. I’m only choosing to use it to channel the energy of something called “pain-body,” something that I have wished to eradicate for many years. Behind the pain there are stories to tell and I’ll put everything on the line in order to tell them.
My stories are unique yet they are also a manifestation of a Universal drama of separation that all souls awakening through this dense earth plane go through. I’ve lived a life in fantasy wishing to return to somewhere very far away I know to be “home” and have learned to find and remember that home within myself.
Knowing home inside does not make the pain any less real. Knowing that reality does not exist out there and is only a creation of one’s own mind doesn’t make it any easier. I’ve been creating my own reality whilst denying the blatant truth that my reality simply does not match the realities of most others out there. Like tectonic plates colliding, waves of emotion are triggered in an instant with the simplest of words. Words can be like kisses or words can be like razor-blades. The voice behind them makes all the difference. Meaning what is being spoken allows realities to come closer together. If the common ground cannot be found, earthquakes ensue.
There are a lot of people that I have words for, but I do not have words like kisses. I have words like razor-blades. The part of me that wishes to just dig into those wonderful people with my sharp words is a backseat driver while I enjoy this inferno.
The teaching that’s motivated the past three years of my life is the following:
“Follow your highest excitement to the best of your ability with no insistence on a particular outcome.”
The passion principle explained by Bashar and in both similar and the exact same way by other channeled beings is what works the best for me in living my life authentically and attracting what I need to grow in the most expanded state possible. If there was a hidden caveat that following your heart’s passion can lead to a fiery disaster, I missed it.
Dante’s Divine Comedy was 3 epic poems about a journey through hell, purgatory, and heaven. I supposed that I’d write my first book, and one day get onto my version of the Divine Comedy. I supposed I’d blend hell, purgatory, and heaven into a metaphorical tale, that all of these planes and paradigms are actually just One through the ultimate truth of the Universe that is Oneness.
That’s not what’s happening. This is a story about hell.
I’ll compose a mixtape, 34 cantos that have shaped my life. This is number 5. Music has saved me. As I write this, Bjork is about to sing through my speakers: “My headphones, they saved my life. Your tape, it lulled me to sleep.”
I don’t think this mix-tape will lull anyone to sleep. I hope it shocks people into waking up. The truth is this is a planet in immense pain and suffering. Hell exists on earth, and each human has his own private hell, private purgatory, and private heaven. They do intersect and they all are One. I’m in heaven as much as I’m frequently drowning in the abyss and dissolving into emotional quicksand.
The story of living through a personal hell will always be a living reality, even as the planet ascends and we all transform. I will not forget the pain I’ve endured. In actuality, I feel inside myself that I’m more developed and powerful than ever before even in breaking open entirely and that there’s something very wonderful that’s coming.
It will come through following my joy. And what I enjoy now are the stories of my living nightmares.
Walking through the City of Refuge, I said: “I’m feeling very confused.”
The response was: “I’ll tell you what my teachers told me… Enjoy that.”
After literally feeling like I was suffocating while trying to write yesterday, I had to question. Is it really worth writing something that feels so agonizing? It’s almost like a still-born baby that’s stuck in the womb.
In the night I made the decision. I will enjoy this process. I will enjoy every feeling. I will enjoy every story. I will enjoy all the tension. Hell is a cosmic joke.
And I hope that in owning my journey through hell, those who are still trapped in their own understand that they too have a choice. In the Divine Comedy there’s no escape rope. The only way out is through the frozen Cocytus and off the top of Lucifer’s head. I choose to believe I have already made it to the other side, and I will enjoy my safety more if I can share my journey so that others can find their own escape route.