Relaxing into Life Transitions

How deeply are you relaxing right now?

This time marks a profound shift with Saturn moving direct finally, equinox around the corner, and “palindrome week” period of closing “karmic” cycles comes soon to completion.

I’m remembering today that a great piece of my purpose is in a dedication to relaxation.

When stress hormones leave the body, they make space for more rarefied hormones which open the chakra system and produce altered states of deeper spiritual connection,

The feeling of “needing to ground” began for me two years ago and really sat in last year. Saturn was in retrograde for the past 5 months basically from the moment in Peru I decided I was ready to follow through and take the steps towards grounding in a new location. This has been not the most challenging period ever, but challenging nonetheless. And I feel this is a huge moment of transition.

The feeling of “needing to ground” began as something very physical. My shoulders and legs would be flaring up with pain from carrying my backpack or later a suitcase everywhere. Always being in a new environment with new people and not quite adjusting had me constantly hyper alert and not fully able to let go. I was as consistent as I could be in my practice of yoga, though in the most “all over the place” moments when I really needed the practice the most I’d often lose focus. Even when I did all I could in terms of self-care, and pain and feeling in my body of tension did not leave.

The first month here has felt very confusing.

Choosing to settle down more has evoked more the sense of ordinariness. Traveling around and always being in new experiences felt totally extraordinary. Yet even once I got used to that lifestyle, what to many seemed so extraordinary felt really ordinary and began to lose its luster.

Yet it is only in surrendering to the ordinariness that the true magical undercurrents present in all of creation can be found.

I must remember my psychic awareness first began developing in 2010-12 with lots of meditation, study, contemplation. And in that time I was very introverted and I found so much magic in the mundane.

I’m learning to remember that, while also slowly beginning writing a book about the journeys of both opening up spiritually and of moving about the globe.

In this time I’ve noticed this energy in me that feels like a big desire to run, and I am learning to restrain myself and find the magic in stillness. My real lesson at this time is in falling in love with my self.

Self-love has been a very active thing for me. My Higher Self is showing me how I have done very well at the yang/masculine side of self love, but not the yin/feminine side.

The yang component is as simple as “do what you love” or “follow your joy” or “care for yourself.”

The yin component is more subtle. It is an act of really surrendering to the depths of your own presence. It does require the willingness to sit with the shadows. Though in that stillness within there is found incredible and infinite light. The yin component is in experiencing yourself as love, and realizing that love need not do anything at all. It is falling in love with your own presence beyond/below the doing and the action.

Again this feels like a remembrance for me, as at times on the journey this yin component of self love seemed to blossom and there seemed to be a cycle of perhaps overcompensating for what I persevered as my own laziness by attempting to do and fit in so much and be so active and everywhere.

I’m remembering the wisdom in me that simply says slow down. This period of challenge also brought me in many ways to question truly settling in. I do miss the excitement of the journey but I’ve not been following the complete formula.

The formula for all of life (originally from Bashar and affirmed by many other sources) is “follow your highest excitement to the best of your ability with no insistence on a particular outcome.”

The last part of it is as important as the following the excitement part. I can look back at these years and see how dedicated I was to following my passion in beautiful ways but just how much I thought I knew better than the Universe. And that’s the part that really kicked my butt.

“Follow your highest excitement to the best of your ability” is much like the yang component of self-love. “No insistence on a particular outcome” is the yin component. For me it’s becoming so much clearer that all I need to “do” to make this easier is more of a releasing than anything. The most important bit to get is in simply allowing myself to receive by releasing that insistence.

The insistence shows up daily as a feeling that I must get done “this amount of stuff” every day. There’s a lot of projects and mini-projects on my agenda. The internal pressure dopes not actually help me do it faster. Instead it causes me to freeze or succumb to personal mediocrity.

And this brings me to simply remember the attitude of the peoples of Central/South America. Who operate on their own rhythm with much less of the rush. Particularly this is true of the Mayan people who enjoy the slow pace of life. At first I enjoyed syncing into that pace though as time went on and I became more focused my conditioning around time reemerged and I noticed how absurd I was in being in a rush in a place where everyone was so relaxed. I had to work to put up a facade of patience because in truth I actually didn’t slow down until now.

And now that I’m learning to co-operate more with timelessness, I’m also noticing I can bend time, sometimes. Today I thought I’d be late for a massage and instead I just jogged two miles and found some power of surrender carried me to comfortably past my perceived limits and make it there just on time. When I let go everything happens on time.

Love is only always now and always loves. Whether “enough” gets done each day or not does not matter. There’s so much I want to do and bring into reality for this planet/Universe, and being healed myself is a key part of this process. The pressure was introduced under the assumption that pressure is healthy. Though this pressure I put on myself certainly feels like the opposite of self-love and healing.

Some people here tal;l about liking the winter here, when it rains all the time and people are comfortable tucked away at home My first response to that was that it must feel quite boring. Though in truth that’s probably exactly what I need too and within it there is so much magic to be found.

So instead of asking myself “what did I get done today” and starting the day with “what I should do” I’m instead going to place much more focus on the questions “how did I feel when I did what I did today” and starting it with “how relaxed can I be throughout the busyness of the day.”

Blissbeings.com ~ Youtube.com/blissbeings

Distortions in Popular Channels

Channeling is truly a complex phenomena… I advise people before my sessions to really weigh everything the Pleiadian Council or anyone says against the wisdom of their own heart for very good reason! There are some very distorted channels out there.

Here in the video posted in the comments, Abrham Hicks ssays “when a larger group of [humanity] like 6,000 people in the gas chambers are focused in such ways that they deprive themselves of that well-being it makes for a very big and unpleasant, and from our point of view, unnecessary, event.”

Yes, Abraham Hicks really said that. Go to the video and skip ahead to 20:00 to hear it. (Video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-yhCO76xEU)

Basically the argument here is that the focus of your vibrational energy is the sole cause of anything that happens to you.

In this video someone comes to Abraham and asks questions about the state of the world, poverty, genocide… Abraham basically just guides him to “not focus on it” because by focusing on it, you get more of it…

There’s one aspect here that is true: that by focusing upon issues so far away and believing one cannot do anything about it, one’s own suffering can become worse than the suffering “all the way over there.”

What Abraham does not teach is that EVERYTHING IS HERE AND NOW, and there’s no suffering “out there across the planet,” it is all Here and Now.

There are so many ways that we can contribute to making global issues and local issues like homelessness and poverty better. The first step is awareness. Not wanting to talk about it/think about it/look at it actually just keeps us in a field of separation.

In my early work with plant medicine I tapped into the collective pain body… the pain and suffering over humanity across the entire planet. It’s a pretty heavy thing to tap into, yet allowing oneself to ackowledge and process it leads to liberation. It leads us to see that all is One. When one person suffers, the whole suffers. When one person experiences joy, everyone experiences joy.

Abraham’s key teaching is joy and this is indispensible and crucial. Abraham’s teaching of “let go aof the outcome and just find the way to feel better” really does work. Except often times the way to feel better is in diving into the shadow. The pain/trauma/negative belief cannot be removed from your energetic system entirely until it is fully acknowledged/accepted/processed. Until then you can manifest all you want, and it will still be there, waiting for you. Most people are not ready for that sort of depth as the destructive force of awakening (Kali Ma) that it brings forces a cleansing, a letting go, a true sort of liberation… that inevitably leads to some form of service.

Abraham was a being that I listened to for many years. I first discovered a book when I was 21 and traveling in Guatemala and Mexico, often terrified of how I would survive experiencing intense illness and being entirely broke. Applying Abrham’s teachings helped me and I could experience how my vibration would generate all of my experiences. It continued to support me as I began to study channeling, and I considered Abraham a great teacher for awhile.

Though overtime I began to notice Abraham could not take me to the deeper levels of shadow work necessary to clear myself. And I came to wonder why.
Out there in the field of New Age spirituality there is a common belief spread by channels like Abraham that everyone creates their own reality. It is true that our vibration, created by the beliefs and karma generated over time and over generations, creates our experience of reality. It is true that we choose our incarnation at a soul level before we end up being born into a body.

And people who fear losing their status or have a guilt about having abundance in a world where more people do not have abundance really would prefer to have their position validated by spiritual ideas.

No spirit will tell you that there is balance and harmony in our world as it is. That balance and harmony that channeled beings carry forth come from non-physical reality.

Channeling actually works through the channels subconscious. Non-physical energy is translated by the channels subconscious in a semi-aware state where enters into telepathic connection/transmission. Therefore, every belief that the channel has at a subconscious level will distort the transmission. You can note this clearly if you watch any channel with a long career and see how the quality of the energy and even the voice of the being will change over the years. Sometimes, for the better, and sometimes for the worse. (Barbara Marciniak is a key example of a widely known channel who came through with very clear messages at the beginning of her career to later distort the messages in a very fear-based and ego-centric way).

Spirits and non-physical beings tell us that we generate our experience of reality through our vibration; this complex understanding is simplified by channels and then quoted by the spiritual community through the understanding that “you create your own reality.”
While this is a partial truth, it is actually taught and practiced in a way that encourages an ego-centric world view which is then justified as “a spiritual practice.”

The emphasis on manifesting desires brings people to focus on their desire alone and discounting the needs of those around them. In the very worst case scenario people start to see those around them as just characters in the script of their own movie.

The philosophy Abram promotes seems to discourage generosity and activism. It feeds off of the collective belief system of individualistic self-reliance and expands upon it, bringing it to spiritual levels.

People come to believe that because anyone suffering chose that suffering at a soul level, they must be the only one’s responsible for changing it. People use this idea to stop feeling responsible for the suffering that is occurring around the world, while they add to their abundance with a capitalistic system that inherently perpetuates suffering abroad.

This discounts the core principle of genetics which we can now prove. Trauma is stored on the genetics and when generations of people have been marginalized and oppressed, they cannot simply “change their vibration” out of replaying the same damaging scenarios.

What they need is real help love and support. There are plenty of real spiritual teachers who promote these ideas and teach that the more you are in service, the more you are in Spirit. We are responsible for each other.

Abraham instead promotes following one’s own desires, as does a whole movement within the New Age.

This is in a way a reaction against the trend in religious groups over the last epoch to squander and suppress desire. The teachings of the Buddha and the Christ are distorted in a way that followers of those spiritual traditions believe that their desires cause them suffering or sin, when this is also not true. Desire is a beautiful expression of the soul and it has a magnetic resonance designed to bring you to the types of experiences that will most elevate your soul.
Most of the New Age treats desire as if it is a mystery, but it’s not.

Desire is born from trauma and lack. If one is hungry, one wants to eat. The experience of lack and the experience of abuse causes us to begin to desire certain experiences that are the obvious and natural remedy. If we experience isolation we come to desire connection. If we experience poverty we come to desire wealth.

Abraham gets it right when they guide people to stop focusing on the lack of what is desired. When you let go, you allow the Universe to fill in the gaps.

Abraham is missing this key: we must come to bring self-awareness to the root of our desires and understand why we want what we want, and process the history/trauma that causes that desire in order to really let go and allow. Without that self-awareness we stay stuck in the loop of desire.

There has yet to be the teachings of a genuine middle way, where desire is not scorned nor blindly glorified. Well, Bashar gets very close in distinguishing between NEEDS and DESIRES and teaching that if you come to DESIRE what you NEED rather than believing that you NEED what you actually DESIRE, you create the path of least resistance and allow the Universe to work for you. (And when asked about Bashar, Abraham responded and said Bashar is probably better and probably more specific than their own teachings).

It’s alarming that people follow such teachings and use them in a way that disconnects them from others and the collective awareness and brings them to just focus on themselves. You can learn a lot from Abraham yet I really advise searching for clearer channels. The danger of falling into this trap where you create your own reality, but in doing so disconnect yourself from others and the bigger energies of the collective, you only perpetuate the selfishness that has brought the world to the grim state that it is in.

Funny enough, while Esther does not claim a religious background, her channel gave itself the name “Abraham.” And we see how far Abrahamic religions have taken the world. Do we really want more of that?

The Pleaidain Council on Balanced Co-Creation; A Transcript

Here is an exciting transcript from a session recorded in Portland Oregon on July 20, 2019. The Pleiadians discuss in depth the idea of co-creation, and how to co-create with other humans in the most balanced and non-hierarchical way.

View entire post here: https://youtu.be/XG_9LLEZK8A

Pleiadian Council:
Sometimes when there has been great big sense of lack or a trauma, there is a need to vent that emotion in some way. Creativity is the remedy when it comes to allowing these emotions to move. It can simply be talking, can be singing, it can be screaming, can be painting, it can be making a movie. It can be picking grass out of the ground and tie knots in it. Honestly, it can be anything your creativity can express through any form through any means. Though creativity allows emotional energy to move. It allows for emotional energy to sort of dance and move through your system in a way that you can bring about greater change and co-creativity is how you meet needs. So even by expressing your own gifts and sharing it with others, that is an act of co-creation because every time someone witnesses and holds space for your creative expression, the way you express yourself next time goes to a different level because you have received in return the energy that comes without attention.

And this co-creativity when the intentions are matched together will always allow for this healing to go to deeper levels. If you can’t find a specific intention, you want to move towards the expression of healing, the Universal intention is to move deeper into an experience of Oneness. When you back any of your other intentions with this intention of moving deeper into an experience of Oneness together, that intention is sure o be amplified to its highest degree. Now when it comes to collective wounds, that perhaps the greatest of tools is that intention of Oneness, as there is a field of reality that all of you can access. This field contains the blueprint for this universe and all of the variations of it and at other levels in the Multiverse, the many different Universes that are contained within All That Is.

And at these levels there are some patterns that transduced do into to every layer. So when you expand your awareness to those levels, you can start to both access the light of the dimensions such as our own, where we have gone past the experience of polarization. And at those levels where there is equality in light and dark, there is no moving towards one side or the other. There is an experience of pure love. As a result, you can let that energy be transduced into your own dimension. Yet being in your own dimension, you’ll also begin to tap into the pain body of those around you and many of you may resist ot block this experience because it can be overwhelming. And that blocking is again coming from the trauma of neglect because someone was not there for you. When you, when you experience pain, your natural response is to not want to feel the pain that you do not understand in the other.

So whenever you are seeing or witnessing someone who cannot hold space for the collective pain body, understand that beneath that is a deep experience of neglect that you can heal by ending neglected for yourself. It may trigger many different layers of emotions. That again, co-creatively transform, whether it’s with the spirit or with the person. It is about the relationship when it comes to these levels of healing.

And together through that cocreation, you can release many, many layers of the collective pain body by seeing how there is always something resonante that is stored within you that allows you to tap into a certain particular frequency within the collective pain body. As above, so below, as below, so above. So when you find what you store, what you hold that resonates with the collective pain body and you co-creatively transform that in turn, it will express through the collective as you hold it within your own self expression.
And that is why the space that you have co-created today is the New Paradigm of healing because there is no one who knows more. There’s no one who knows less. Everyone has a voice and everyone is welcome in the space. Everyone has something to give and everyone has something to receive and the new paradigm of working with others is in knowing that your vulnerability with clients, with healees, with however you term it, we don’t care, it is part of the magic of the healing. And this is part of why we always say to you and your reality that we thank you for allowing us to be here for a we gain very much from the experience you give to us as we give to you and there is no relation that works in a different way. That is a balanced relationship. Now there is the experience of self serving beings that are self serving to the extent that they serve themselves at the expense of others, and that energy has structured the old paradigm as you call it.

That self-serving energy seeps into even many of you who claim to be a part of the new paradigm but haven’t gotten the full picture yet. Of course those souls are certainly a part of the new paradigm as they hold that intention. Yet if their expression does not match the highest expression quite yet, that’s just a learning curve and compassionately hold space for them as well. The New Paradigm is certainly in co-creative healing, in that everyone brings with them their vulnerability and it is not seen as a weakness or a reason to be a lesser therapists. It is seen as a truth. I

Questioner: Yeah I felt some of my own resistance to kind of step into because of my own that I’m like, Oh, I’m not there yet and.

Council:

You’re always there. You’re always ready. You are. There is the only here and now there is a construct that you create in this construct is another way that those who wish to sap energy from people and keep you in the chase of something. Because in that chase you’re more susceptible to being attacked and being used. Do not chase for the future for there is only now and you will always become more. You are always already complete in your imperfection, in your falls and what you may perceive as broken. You are still complete and it is that paradox that allows you to give exactly what you’re capable of giving. Now knowing that it is a complete offering, it of course will be better the next time because that’s how it’ll always be, but just because the next time will be better does not mean that you’re not already there.

Continued…

That’s not just accepting but celebrating but only yourself exactly as you are for right now. Again, it is the only moment. This is the only you that there is. You will find, you are always capable of doing what you need to do with the help of all that is with the creative elements that come in and you all deserve to have those co created elements in human form, in spirit form. And when you ask clearly when you have a clear idea of what you need, there will be someone who can fill the role. So do not settle for someone who does not mean what you need. Do not try to train someone to meet your needs who cannot make your needs. When you do that, you push away the people who can actually meet your needs.

Continued…

Questioner: I very much feel like what I’m calling in is co creation in all areas of my life.

Yes. And as you call it forth. So shall we say, allow yourself to need, and allow others to meet what they need as allow yourself to express all of it, and it will certainly align in the way that you most need to grow. And again you will always continue to grow more. You will continue to see where something may seem as if it is missing though in realizing that it may be better that something may not be there you again expand into completion. You expand into completeness for really nothing is truly missing when you become aware of what could fill the gap. There is many on the other side who can feel that seemingly empty space with an authentic space holder that will allow you to get in touch with the frequency of what it may be like to have what you need get to not house. And with that frequency space holder in your imagination and the connection of your spirit guides, your attraction of it will come to you much quicker.

Deepening In Inner Child Work

I have been deepening my understanding of inner child work and reclaiming wholeness recently.

Watch the full video here: https://youtu.be/IE_lPf-0TSk

Throughout my life moral dilemmas and struggles of self-concept have been common. I would question my actions or very subtle ways that I have done things and examine them to make sure I was being “good”. This is really an outgrowth of how much shame was used to influence behavior in school and in family life. Of course in doing inner child work, many of these memories would surface and those aspects of my inner child would integrate for healing.

There was one aspect that was hidden for a while and I speak about it in this video.

The hidden aspect was involved in a memory in which I cheated in an “easter egg hunt” that did not involve real eggs. Instead we copied down numbers from paper eggs that were hidden in the classroom and whoever filled the sheet up first won. I really wanted to win the Pikachu prize. We were warned harshly not to cheat, and I was always one of the good boys. But I wanted Pikachu enough to cheat…

And when I was one of the first children to win, I instantly hit a wall of shame. I didn’t want Pikachu anymore. I confessed and my teacher took back the prize and ignored me while the other children tried to console me. I wept with my head on the cold desk, until someone tried to give me their toy.

I didn’t have a clear memory if I took the toy, but I didn’t want it. If I did take it, I felt it add to my shame more than bring me joy. Looking back at this memory there was so much emotional weight attached to it, and so many definitions about “good and bad” that did not add to my happiness.

When I did the inner child work process, my child was so happy to see me. Right away, Archangel Michael came through and created a space of great compassion. Soon I was surrounded by angels. Teal Swan, who is one of my main teachers of inner child work, came to take my teacher to the side and lecture her about not neglecting children as punishment and installing these weird moral codes. My child self wanted love from all the other children who were very impressed by me, and I shared them so much of what I’ve learned in traveling the world and doing spiritual work.

My child self wanted a reality which was a win situation for all involved, so I gave him that and had a great celebration with the children. My child self wanted to go around the world and to many interesting astral planes for learning. He wanted to go up to meet “God” and he even wanted to meet “Satan” as he’d learned so much about them both and lived in such a duality of how some things were so bad and others good. The angels surrounded us the whole experience and my child self learned about balance and bringing equal expression to the good as well as the bad.

I’ve been doing a lot of inner child processes over the years. I found I got to a point where I don’t do it all that often as I’ve sorted many memories. After this process there were a few other memories that surfaced. I also found that in this particular memory there was an entity that latched onto me, and fed energy into the loop of shame and self-criticism.

A lot of the initial experiences I had with inner child work were processes that were very intense, abusive, traumatic, with yelling, etc. This memory was strange because it was very distorted. In a way it was terribly traumatic and neglectful, yet I in the past learned to interpret it as a good thing. At the time, my teacher first neglected me, then later told me how important it was that I did what I did. She told me that very few of the other students would have done that, and that I should be very proud of myself for it. So in a way I was rewarded for this “pull up your bootstraps” kind of attitude, and then told that my honesty made me better than others.

This has been part of my biggest blockage. In the background, I’ve believed that I was somehow “morally superior” to others because my teacher and possibly many other adult figures fed me that belief and reinforced it. It was useful for me to believe this after being bullied and made wrong a lot as a child. I finally had something to hold onto, it was own sense of self as an honest person. However this was not a healthy belief. It created hierarchy and vertical thinking. I would position myself above others because I knew what was right and wrong and I would do good.

Of course in adulthood I started to see through this but I had to go back to the core of its inception to totally undo it. At points when I was challenged or I felt I didn’t know what the most ethical decision to make was, I would go into severe self-shame. Many dilemmas between ideas of right and wrong would have me regress to that little boy, crying on the cold desk and being offered toys to fix me.

What I learned from this experience is that sometimes memories we define as “good” experiences that teach us better ways to behave are actually the most traumatizing. Of course we have to go through the most intense ones to get to those deeper layers. Though don’t think you’ve finished the inner child work, just because you reprocessed those super traumatic moments. We can always dig deeper!

BlissBeings.com

Breaking Free From Self-Concept

“Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” ~ Rumi

I feel great after today doing a session in the morning where of course some of the information was synced with my own process! I love how it works like that.

I remembered this song with a Rumi line yesterday and everything shifted.

Self-concept is the biggest enemy of awakening. 

(Funny thing is, so new age people live a life totally fueled by conceptions of good and bad then think that is spiritual. But hey, that’s cool I’m on my own journey with getting this.)

We have to come to a point where we do not see any actions as good or bad. Until we get there we will forever be trapped in the ego. 

There is such thing as “service to others/collective” energies and “service to self over others” energies. The first leads you to true awakening and liberation. To serve others does not mean to give up your own best interests, instead it leads you to see that there is no self and all that appears outside of you, as part of reality, is part of YOU. To serve self is to take from others and drain them at your profit. It is based in the sense that there is a self and that self is separate. There is perpetual fear around losing one’s sense of self and merging into Oneness, and service to self over others actions always create pain. 

Our planet is shifting to express only service to others energies eventually, because at a soul level this planetary body has agreed to that.

We are evolving to be of higher service yet as soon as we see those who serve self over others as wrong, bad, less than, or less deserving as are in our egos.

Source sees both expressions as valid. Creator experiences both as necessary in order for evolution to be fully conscious and self aware.

We can see where another is being selfish without making that wrong.

As soon as we engage any self-concept that one is good and another bad, our ego is in the drivers seat and we cause ourselves (and everyone else) pain. As soon as one sees service to self energy as different from one self, one actually engages in service to self energy!

One may not actively judge others yet this self-concept dilemma can also play out internally, when one’s concept of what is good or spiritual overrides one’s most natural authentic expression. What raises our frequency most is our natural loving impulse of excitement within. What we are most naturally drawn to is often not what we are taught is the most spiritual. Sometimes even it totally contradicts what one’s community or teachers values as good. This is why all real teachers not only say that the teacher is within YOU, they also directly guide  you into that experience. You have to listen to what is true for you and there’s NO ONE (especially not a clearly channeled positive  light being) that can tell you what’s right for you. Because you know. Though you may be confused, because your own self-concept is in the way.

Light workers are trapped in self-concept when they speak about “zombies”, “sheeple”, or “the system” are only perpetuating pain by mentally creating a separation.

We have to see the validity and worth of EVERY BEING AND EVERY EXPRESSION, angels and demons alike, or we will never find peace. 

Make a list of the people you admire or even idolize the most and the people you hate or fear the most, then make a second list of things those people might have in common. The results may shock you and change your perceptions! (#Pleadian #Guidance of the day 😉 )

Blissbeings.com

#rumi #rumiquotes #channeling #extraterrestrials #ETchanneling #ascension #intuitivehealer #cacao #cacaoceremony #soundhealing #ET #angels #spiritualawakening #spiritual #magic #love #intuitivehealing #spiritualhealing #spirituaawakening #intuitivehealer #energyintuitive #bashar  #lawofattraction #peru #pisac

My Iboga Experience

Two nights ago I tried for the first time of the medicine iboga… And ah hum well it was quite an experience like no other.

Before the journey, it was sort of feeling like the more I express myself and write, the less I feel truly excited to connect with people online. So much coming and going in all moments… yet inside feel exhausted and unavailable. I felt very uncertain about what to do next and what’s to come. To go the the jungle, or to wait? For months I had this iboga medicine from Africa, a much different medicine in comparison to the medicines of this area. And I wanted to experience it and receive it very much yet in the most precise and perfect way. The energies came together and a noticed it was 2/19 2019, which made it seem like the most anachronistically perfect moment.

iboga
I laid in darkness and began eating the root bark slowly and played some music from the African Bwiti tribe from which this medicine originates. I felt its affects quite instantly as a deep warmth in my body especially in the heart. The plant consciousness or some other spirit helpers went to work inside my body clearing away so many pains as they moved.

My heart beat was profound and I could feel it in my whole body. The journey itself did not have this dreamlike quality that other plant medicines facilitate. Instead it was very incredibly real. There were some patterns that would take shape in my vision though the visual aspect was actually quite subtle.

Every thought created its own reality in a feeling, an image, a frequency that was complete yet very short. I would think a thought and then my mind would go in an entirely different direction and I would immediately lose all recollection of what I was thinking a second ago.

At first as it was coming on I was feeling such strong irritation from little distractions. Yet the medicine neutralized all of these emotions. The plants I’m used to expand one’s depth and breadth of feeling. Iboga on the other hand seems to neutralize those emotions. I could feel the frustrations and confusions yet iboga showed me so clearly; you are fearing something that can cause you no harm, this is a specific pattern you’ve been circuiting for some time yet it is so simple to let it go and come back to the experience of what is real.

Iboga is used to treat addictions to heavy drugs (heroin, cocaine, etc) with reported great success. I’m definitely not addicted to those things. I am addicted to cacao though this is a very healthy addiction that never harms me. There are a few others that sneak in and out but leave me mostly unscathed. However our biggest addictions are not to behaviors or substances, but are addictions to certain emotional frequencies.

Iboga showed me this in a clear way… there’s this little voice inside that says things should play our in a certain way and I must understand the order and sequence of things, that if I’m not certain I’m doing all I can to make the very best out of something I’m not focusing enough. There’s a pattern of being more concerned with being right than being concerned with getting things right. And in a way iboga just ripped them out of me.

The area where I have been developing and clearing my energy body the most is in the solar plexus which has been prone to getting knotted and drained for years. The past weeks in practices and ceremonies I’ve felt this chakra super tight and contracted and I could do so little to move it; I could only remain aware and allow. Iboga seemed to more or less rip this out of me to too.

Iboga is said to be a medicine that shows your inner truth, and you can dialogue with this voice of trueth inside of you. Whenever there was doubt the medicine said you know the answers and it’s all working out. The parallax between my own inner truth and my perception of contradictory truths outside was reconciled and in a way I surrendered caring. My truth was true.

Whereas ayahuasca takes you beyond, iboga takes you within. My guides are so chatty and interactive with medicine work, though with iboga it was simply me and my higher self and me and other people… It takes you to the depth of your human patterns. The souls of many people in my life, most living and some passed on, came and had a chat. As soon as I recalled a person they were there and saying hi. Yet most of these interactions are not easy to remember. The highest intensity of the experience I really fail to recollect.

I did not sleep the whole night. I was very fragile and integrating for the first morning after. I still couldn’t walk so well… Some people completely lose the ability to walk, though I could manage through the experience to get to the bathroom if I needed. I was still seeing tracers and having some fuzzy lines and such around moving lights the entire day and into the second morning.

I could tell I was super in the medicine still all of the second day. I had slight mood swings as I just wanted to sleep, yet through the second night I was still unable. In the darkness I was able to tap back into some of the experiences from the previous night though it was not as intense.

This morning I was irritated. I was frustrated. I just wanted to sleep. I was loosing time by doing this medicine and wanted to have my life back. Yet again as those thoughts came back I was able to take that step back and see the lack-based perception in them and just wash them away. I had a delicious banana smoothie to try to bring myself back and took a shower and I felt back to normal, closed the space and complete in the process.

Iboga transforms into different hormones inside the body that stay with you for I believe some 6 months, Most people report needing less sleep, having more energy and increased motivation.

I don’t feel so tired despite not sleeping. I feel much more prepared to face life and am excited for any path that may open. I’m curious to see what affects are lasting with this medicine.

After ayahuasca or similar medicines, I feel this blissful afterglow that is really quite fragile. I’ve been in bliss after aya and then one thing triggered me in a certain way and found myself really low. There’s a dreamy quality and a greater sense of purpose and connection though that vulnerability is for me very tricky to maneuver.

After iboga I do not feel that vulnerability. I don’t feel total bliss and euphoria either. I feel super grounded. I don’t feel distracted. I feel like the racing and distracting mind has somehow become a total clean slate, tabula rasa. I feel like there’s been some major psychic surgeries inside and that there’s many patterns that have totally ended with this ceremony.

I am not sure what will come next and there’s still so much uncertainty in the air today and it doesn’t affect me in the same way. It’s simply welcomed. And there’s again this trust that it’s all in its perfect alignment. Just be true. Just be real. Just be open to life. And the rest solves itself.

Lesson: I Will Now “Discern You” (Or Judge You?)

According to an old numerological tradition every 9 years you change to a new Tarot card that rules that period of your life. At 27 I have moved from “Temperance” to “Judgment.” I move from always favoring balance and harmony to choosing super clear and honest perception and discernment. What a sweet new gift, I’m sure it will take 9 more years to unwrap it fully too.

Last year there was a series of different sorts of abusive relationships in my life that have brought to me one of the hugest lessons I’ve had to learn.

I couldn’t learn these lessons at the time because these circumstances were followed by me moving to a volcanic island that then erupted and for many months “moving forward” was the only thing I could focus upon while remaining sane and balanced.

The trauma of these events has resurfaced in Peru now that I’m in genuine quiet and peace. It’s not so bad that I had to “save the process” for later because it was the only way I could then survive…

And that’s because I was so very stubborn.

Each situation had its own unique lessons that I’m sure will also unravel though the universal lesson that applies to every challenge I’ve created for myself in the past year is this: discernment.

What I still have not figured out is where does the false idea behind it really come from, for me?

So many in the field of spirituality and especially the New Age follow some sort of philosophy of totally open and free love; it’s better to be kind, to give, to share, to be open to all!

This is based on understanding in a deep and clear way that it is in expanding love within and without that we will change the world.

Though what does this love really look like?

It is the love INSIDE YOU. It is your own love for yourself. It is your own ability to be true to yourself. It’s the ease with which you choose what is truly best for you regardless of how “those you love” will perceive you for it.

This integration has not been so easy for me though I feel like I’m over the hill.

The biggest challenges have been in allowing for the “loss” of this perceived version of myself that is totally open, totally generous, totally there for people.

As I allow this shift in my circuitry, no I don’t really want to reply to 80% of the messages coming in. From a distorted lens this would be isolation. Though in truth it is finding love within.

My experience with people in the last year had caused me to understand people deeper. They have so many mixed motivations and many of them are mentally diseased and narcissistic. Not all people share the same sense of justice and fairness. Not all people will choose to be accountable for their actions. Honestly people are crazy. And in the spiritual world, the “crazies” are so much worse.

Even those closest to me who I genuinely trust enough to share the deeper unfolding of my process fully, I have to watch. I have to monitor. The new version of myself is ever observant of what is shifting in the vibrations of those around me, and knowing how to act accordingly in each moment.

The old version of me would dive in with blind enthusiasm and trust that if I give what I can others will do the same. In situations where others were at the same level diving in with that trust has created some of the greatest moments ever. And when I ignored my own core/gut/sacral response to another person’s vibration and attitude and just trusted if I remain generous they will return it, I’ve really got hit harder, and harder, and harder.

The old version of me would allow and pretend that things that hurt are excusable and let people get away with it. The old version of me would get hung up on the story that I am “judging others” and shouldn’t be the bad one judging. The old version of me would dissolve into a false forgiveness just because that is what a good spiritual person does and it’s the quickest way to maintain the illusion of peace.

And now I know that “love” that is an energy between people is not real until it is based in real self-love. The same with forgiveness. You cannot forgive outside until you truly forgive inside. And therefore dropping all focus on outer forgiveness and instead focusing on one’s own healing and self-love is the only thing to do.

The new version of me is reading everyone’s energy in every moment and on the lookout. I know what I need. I know what is loving for myself. The new version trusts people but not in the same way the old version of me trusted people, though I now trust the Universe and trusts myself. The new version of me is not afraid to be a mirror. I am not afraid to send right back to someone the awful vibes they sent to me, even if they didn’t mean to. That’s the way they will learn and process their own karma. The new version of me doesn’t really feel like he will attract that anyway, because instead he’s choosing to pay attention to every little nuance and detail and fully perceive it. And fully judge it.

And here perhaps is a great key. We are all told regardless of our conditioning to not judge other people. Yet herein lies the biggest problem, because there’s not really a big difference between judgment and discernment. We learn we must have discernment and make good decisions, yet we are told we should “fix” the part of ourselves that sees wrong in others. Connotations with both of these words has us all mixed up; what is the difference? 

I believe that instead of saying “judgement is bad” is actually exactly the same reason we have moved away from this term and favor discernment. Judgement to some implies that it is a fear-based assesment. Yet judgement for others means something else… Judgement itself is part of the Tarot. It didn’t always mean this divisive thing. I believe we should stop making a distinction between these terms and instead recognize the degrees of fear-based and distorted ways that our judgement becomes something negative while simply recognizing this self-protective/loving mechanism within judgement is there to help us. We just have to move beyond the polarity.

When you understand there’s no such thing as good or bad people, only good or bad actions, the game changes a bit.

Judging someone is different from condemning them. You can perceive that another person is a certain way and choose to engage in a different way or not engage at all and that says more about YOU and YOUR PREFERENCES. It is an act of self-love.

A friend of mine engaged an old homeless lady in LA and we spoke for a couple of minutes. Then she tried to grope him. Yes, we are all One. We are all One at a HIGHER LEVEL we do not live within as humans. It’s natural and good to help people, except when it’s unnatural. Why do we learn to abandon our own gut feeling out of being “nice” and “non-judgmental”?

My conclusion here: I’m going to judge you.

I’m going to judge you not to make you wrong or less than myself, but out of a greater Universal love that expresses itself in this dimension through self-love.

Loving myself means I have very specific preferences of the kinds of connections and vibrations I want in my life. Loving myself means making a separation in 3-4D space-time between me and those energies I do not want. For the first time ever I am “breaking up with friends.”

And these are people at a great distance; it’s a bit of a delayed reaction though nonetheless cutting these chords allows my energy to return. I don’t want people in my life whose values and priorities do not match my own.

A lot of what’s happening for me has not made so much sense because it’s been such a delayed reaction. About 10 months ago it was so hard for me to stand for myself and use my discernment without feeling “bad” about it that I had to completely put all my feelings away and pretend it was ok, when it wasn’t. And now that I am really learning this lesson and seeing the way I could have honored my initial inner responses instead of trying to find a reality in between where I could meet and not offend others, I am firing back. I’m returning to them their own nastiness and standing up for myself. Yet such a delayed reaction… doesn’t really make sense and I can’t do so much, though I’m finding what I really can do and doing it.

Now, however, is really time to let things go. Like I said, I learned the hard way because I stubbornly clung to my adopted idea of “free love.” And I express this to release myself and hope others don’t have to learn the same way.

Be discerning and stand for yourself.

Abusive and narcissistic people are truly suffering in deep ways. “Hurt people hurt people.” Senstive people can feel that and because of it, want to be compassionate and merciful. Yet this is actually just the seed of self-sacrifice.

Again; there’s no love without clear and complete self love. There’s no compassion without clear and complete self-compassion. We may want to help others who suffer though if we are not honoring what we can truly hold space for in our lives and what we truly prefer in our lives, we will only create more pain.

Do not fear your judgment. Use it as your greatest gift. It’s not about others. “There are no others.” It’s about you. Yes many times our own filters get in the way and we misread others. Yet it’s better to take it slow than to just let someone in. Once they’re in, it’s much harder to push them back out.

Judgment is a card in the Tarot, even. This is a Divine sort of judgment;.. As Source sees us all so very clearly. When the light is bright it shows into all the shadows and you see in all the good and the bad.

And true love also stares right down into the darkest shadows, and it brings light there. To beliefs living in the shadows forever, that love is blinding and can feel scary. Love in this sense is not passive. It is an active infiltration into the dark to shine and shake what is heavy loose.

If someone can’t deal with the darkness they see when you truly shine the light of your own TRUTH, at a certain point in the journey you probably shouldn’t hang out with them too much… That’s where I’m at.

judgement